The Funk and the Hat
May 14, 2026 · Allison Santana
I'm mfn tired. And if you've ever tried to build a dream while clocking in and out of a job that pays the bills, you already know the kind of tired I'm talking about. It's not just physical. It's the kind of tired that comes from living in two worlds at once: one where you're showing up for someone else's bottom line, and one where you're faithfully showing up for your own.
I've been in that place lately, and I want to talk about it honestly. I'm not trying to be a drag, but I don't want to pretend I'm not feeling beat some days.
Chasing my dreams of blogging and content creation has been exciting, but lately it's felt more like walking a tightrope between two worlds. That feeling gets amplified by the daily realities of being a mom, a bad sales month at work, and the countless ways I have to just figure it out from one paycheck to the next. It puts me in fight-or-flight mode. It calls into question every decision and every investment I make. Some days I'm genuinely asking myself: am I delusional, or am I following the instincts of a winner in the making?
Sometimes after a rough day at work, I sit in the car for a long time. But it's never long enough to shake the shame I feel for not being where I think I should be. And those feelings get compounded by my kids' needs. "Mom, are you in a bad mood?" my youngest asked me recently when she noticed I was quieter than usual, posture a little ragged.
I'm not trying to pretend we don't have our wants and needs met. But I am being real with you: I'm always a paycheck or a termination away from literal disaster. And that's been true my entire adult life, except when I've worked for myself. But that's a story for another time.
The Hat
Work has been kicking my entire ahzz. I went from a terrific sales month to plummeting straight to the bottom of the gutter. Some of it was personal, some of it was completely out of my control. Calendars changing every week, financial stress sitting right where I left it (or mounting), and a physical and mental exhaustion that one night of sleep couldn't fix.
That kind of fall as a salesperson can have you questioning everything, especially when you are your own number one investor and the investor of four children, a stack of bills, and a quaking Honda Accord. After a totally expected, kind but firm talking-to at work, I was not feeling so hot.
I drove home in my rattling Accord trying to fight off every anxious thought: how much longer could I drive this car before it gave out? What does my financial future actually look like? And then my mind would drift to everything I still needed to do for my content creation, and how little time and energy I had left to do any of it. But because my job security felt shaky, my brain kept pulling me back: girl, you've got bigger things to worry about. As if a 9-to-5 has ever been the solution to any of my problems.
I knew what I needed that night: finish the day, eat something, go to bed early, prioritize sleep. I chose self-care over a crash out, and decided I'd start lifting myself out of the funk in the morning.
The next morning, slicking down my edges at the bathroom sink, I started scrolling motivational content. The kind of videos I go to when I need someone to cut through the noise fast. I typed in "instant mindset shifts" and came across a video with one simple question:
If everyone in the world threw their problems into a hat, and you had to reach in and pick someone else's, would you want to?
I sat with that for a minute.
Would I trade my slow sales month, my after-hours hustle, my tired evenings and stretched-thin days for someone else's version of hard? When I really thought about it, the answer was no. Not because my life is so epic, but because everything I'm carrying is also everything I have. The struggle is attached to the dream. The hard season at work is happening while I'm actively building a way out of needing it the way I need it now. The exhaustion is the exhaustion of someone who is in motion.
I've been showing up on TikTok consistently for three weeks now, trying different styles of content and slowly growing a following despite my raccoon eyes. And every time I show up, I can feel a new way of life being created. I know I'm in alignment with the dream of building my income as an affiliate marketer.
Has it been my dream since I was a little girl to sell water treatment? No. Is it the worst job a person could have? Also no. Has it funded me this far and helped reinvigorate my brand and my drive? Yes. It actually has.
I'm stuck between feeling genuinely grateful and wanting so. much. more. That is my truth.
That hat prompt made me see instantly: the power is mine. The progress is mine. The experience, even when it's uncomfortable, is mine. And I realized that, in stark contrast to what's happening in the world, I could really use a chill pill. Seriously. I'm unimpressed with this modern-day version of hard.
We're so used to seeing people come on social media and show only the shiny parts. A lot of us want to support people in their "after" phase, not their ugly "before." But there's a huge majority of us who are struggling, and while we don't want to bleed all over others in the process, we don't want to suppress what's real either. I'm still figuring out how to be myself out loud when myself is sometimes in shambles.
Choosing to Ride Through It
Here's what I know about myself now that I didn't always know: running from discomfort doesn't make it go away. It just means you face it later, usually when you're more tired and less prepared.
And it doesn't mean it's not okay to feel down sometimes. "It's too hard to juggle everything at once, I may as well give up. This is clearly not meant for me" used to be my default. I think what changed it is the wisdom that comes with age and finally understanding that tiny steps forward still count.
Before, when things got too hard, I'd take it as a sign I shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't do it. I'd shut down, go long stretches without creating, and tell myself I didn't need to post all the time. I just needed to do some "planning." Sound familiar?
So instead of shrinking, instead of letting the funk win, I made a choice to ride through it. Not to pretend it wasn't hard. Not to perform a positivity I didn't feel. Just to keep moving anyway. I posted a mopey little TikTok with a motivational twist, then a funny one begging TikTok to send me 100k followers by Friday so I could quit my job, and then I moved on.
On the upside, I crack myself up if I don't crack nobody else up. It's been really fun to have a silly outlet to connect with people, or to speak to the hearts of others who are going through it too.
Even with my mood not at 100%, I showed up to the job that pays the bills and did my best, even when the results weren't there. Then I came home and poured a little something into the dream, even when the well felt low. It's always my job to remind myself that I've lifted myself up before, and I can do it again.
I also try to ask myself what my funk is actually trying to tell me. What can I do about these frustrations? There is almost always an answer. And that's what faith in motion really looks like: see the frustration, feel it, dissect it, find the solution, iterate, repeat.
Why This Blog Exists
I'm telling you all of this because Switching Lanes Diary is not a highlight reel. It's not a success story with a clean beginning, middle, and end. It's the actual in-between. The part where you're still figuring it out, still clocking in somewhere that doesn't fully see you, still building the thing that will one day mean you never have to choose between your peace and your paycheck.
I see you, waking up early and staying up late. I see you slowly checking things off and keeping promises to yourself.
If you're in a funk too, you don't have to rush out of it. You just have to keep going through it, knowing that giving up is not an option. This is just a moment, and this too shall pass.
Pick up your problems. They're yours. And so is everything that comes next.
xo, Allison